Bizarre Bondage and Fetish Gear

What it is: A studded leather Elizabethan collar for your nutsack. Wait - it gets better...you hang weights off it.

What it does: Gives your boys a stretch, then feels fucking great when you take it off.

Who uses it: Guys with small and/or retracted testicles.

Other uses: Medieval slingshot. Put it on your pet ferret and take him to a gay bar.

What it is: "A sexy playful collection of toys and accessories with a military theme. Includes a camouflage jockstrap, a multi-speed vibrating camo egg, a grenade textured jelly sleeve, and a large missile shaped jelly plug."

What it does: You and your friend can play "find the Weapons of Mass Destruction." Lets you act out those bomb squad fantasies.

Who uses it: Don't ask, don't tell.

Other uses: If you ever get called up for military duty, wear this gear to your induction physical and you'll get shown the door PDQ.

What it is: "This head harness adheres to any shower wall or bathtub with a giant suction cup."

What it does: Lets you stick somebody's head to the shower wall - for what...forced shampooing?

Who uses it: People who get turned on by bondage and cleanliness.

Other uses: Bad hair day? Put those unruly bangs in bondage.

What it is: A stand for mounting multiple dildos or sex toys. Looks like a piece of home exercise equipment somebody would leave on the curb.

What it does: Holds your dildos so you don't sprain an arm reaching back there while pumping it in.

Who uses it: Multitasking swingers; people who want to try group sex, but don't actually want to fuck each other.

Other uses: Towel rack, coat stand.

What it is: "Plastic glow in the dark speculum enables you to take a deep look into your passion."

What it does: Lets you play doctor with lights off. Helps you find that butt plug that went missing last month.

Who uses it: Med students, women with gynecological concerns.

Other uses: Glow in the dark salad tongs, rudimentary penguin hand puppet.

How huge do dildos get?